Smudge

It's sad but unfortunately necessary that GOP vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin had to disclose today her 17-year-old daughter is 5-months-pregnant. I say sad because, believe it or not, this isn't the first teen pregnancy to ever happen. I say necessary because in our nasty political world, it would have become nasty campaign fodder very quick. Which it shouldn't unless you're of the mind that Palin would use her throne to advocate all teenage girls become pregnant.
Republican or Democrat or Naderterian, I wish we could agree that politics would be better off without these kind of things having to be disclosed, solely so someone didn't beat you over the head with later. It's irrelevant to holding political office other than the fact that I think candidates who've actually experienced a little bit of life are the kind of people I want in office.

Down with the book hoodlums

Bet you thought I forgot.

Call it wag the dog, call it political posturing.
But we need a war we can win.
The Olympics are ending and that swell of nationalistic pride will soon get sucked down the drain like Michael Phelps’ competitors.
The war in Iraq? Ongoing.
The war on drugs? Too prolific, too costly.
Flicking the ears of smaller countries like Saskatchewan? Tastes great, less filling.
So I give you the war on library fines. You think I’m kidding?
Last week, a woman in Grafton, Wis., was arrested for not paying her library fines. The library was tired of waiting for the cash for “White Oleander” and “Angels and Demons.”
Apparently, she also had a copy of “Ignoring Librarians for Dummies” because library officials said she didn’t answer calls, letters and notices to appear in court.
Have you ever tried to understand anything a librarian says over the phone? Speak up already.
So officers came to the woman’s door, cuffed her and took her to the police station for processing.
Wait, wait, we aren’t going to win the war on library fines with those kind of tepid details.
Let’s try this.
“Shortly before the morning’s dawn broke on the land of cheese, a team of armed commandoes repelled from hovering helicopters to the home of 20-year-old Heidi Dalibor’s. Neighbors recounted the sound of shattering glass as the mercenaries crashed through the windows.
Disoriented by smoke grenades, they found her cowering in a back a room, clutching her copy of ‘What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day’ – an official Oprah Book Club selection.
Dalibor was taken to an undisclosed location where interrogation continued of where she got the books from and namely the surprise ending to Robert Ludlum’s “The Bourne Sanction.”
Yeah, you see, the stories practically write themselves.
Forget that Dalibor coughed up the $30 in overdue library book fines while her mother picked up the $172 bailout fee.
Think of the publicity, think of the photos.
The president parachuting through the opened skylight of a library behind a red, white and blue banner proclaiming, “Books returned.”
I’m crying here, people. This is beautiful.
If we’re not going to get the terrorists or the drug lords, it’s time to go one rung lower on the criminal ladder.
Hand over the Harry Potter book, Timmy.
That was due two weeks ago.

No clarity here

Let me get this straight. The Democratic National Convention is supposed to convince me to vote for one candidate, Barack Obama. But, after two nights of convention watching, my clarity is skewed. First, I thought Barack Obama's brother-in-law Craig Robinson was inspiring – why not him? Then Michelle Obama seemed very deserving of the nod and, after last night, why not Hillary or Chelsea? And when tonight has come to an end, well, it may be the Sabrett Hot Dog guy.

One, two, three shots, you're out

Here's a fun drinking game for night two of the DNC. Take a shot every time NBC cuts to Joe Biden in the audience. You'll end up with a good buzz and, if you're lucky, you might even be able to forget you're watching political speeches.

Unfair

Congrats to the U.S.A. basketball team on winning the gold medal. Compared to the 2004 debacle, they accomplished the feat with a lot of class. Despite that, it's time to turn U.S. Olympic basketball back to the amateurs. It's a lose-lose situation for the pro guys. Win? Big yawn, that's what you are supposed to do. Lose? Are you kidding me. You guys are a disgrace. It's really not fair.

Yo, McCaindrian.

As a media member, I got a release featuring a first look at the Republican National Convention podium. Oh, yes, I'll share. Do you remember Apollo Creed's get up from Rocky?

I'm getting deja vu.

Does that make John McCain "Mick?"

I'll take Iraq, thanks

As the Democratic National Convention rolls into town, Denver police have been warned of the dangers they should expect to find from protesters. The list includes cases of nails that can be used to flatten vehicle tires or thrown at first responders, metal and plastic shields with long screws, wooden protest sign handles (Swing, Mighty Casey) and chemicals possibly coming from balloons.
All a little ironic to me since my brother, currently serving in Iraq, is also a Denver police officer and, if not for that little detour, he'd be right in the middle of this mess. But, you know, for at least a few days next week, I think he's safer in Iraq.