Behold the power to pause live television.
If you ever need a God-complex, stop Katie Couric in mid-sentence.
For many years, television controlled us. Got to be home to see “I Love Lucy,” need to wait all summer to find out who shot J.R. or can’t go to the bathroom until this four-overtime playoff football game is over.
The ability to record television shows with a VCR cut into television’s power somewhat. But there was still a sense that we needed to ask our television for permission to leave the house, sort of like a 16-year-old girl asking her parents if she could go on a date.
But, with the advent of being able to pause live television via a digital video recorder, we gained supremacy over our televisions. If we want the people on CSI to stop solving a crime while we take out the trash, then they have no choice.
This ability is great for someone with a life full of starts and stops like myself. With two young children and a wife who normally finds me most valuable during the third period of a pivotal hockey game, I need to be able to take breaks at the drop of a hat.
And I have. Many times. This is the problem. I’m way behind.
“How much?” you ask.
Try six months, 20 days and 14 hours. That puts me in early March. Clearly it creates social problems for me. I have to cover my ears every time somebody talks about the election. After all, in my world, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are still slugging it out even after Super Tuesday. People look at me weird when I suggest New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer might find himself on a presidential party ticket in 2012.
Business transactions are awkward. My stockbroker laughed me out of his office the other day when I told him “The heck with diversification, let’s put all my money in Lehman Bros.”
I’m still coming to grips with Brett Favre retiring from football. I just wish him luck with finding a new career.
The only thing that keeps me going is what is still ahead.
• The Avalanche should be close to clinching the Stanley Cup by Christmas. Bringing back Peter Forsberg was genius.
• Don’t bother me next March. First, it’s the Bejing Olympic,s and then we’ll see how Denver handles the Democratic National Convention. Yep, I should know who the next president is by next summer.
• Either way, it will be quite an inauguration come August.
I have only one request, Keep the queso at the Super Bowl party warm. I might be a bit late.
