And they call this news?

Sick of November sweeps yet? Not me. I could sit through a million very special reports from our local TV newscasters. The one I haven't seen yet? A paraplegic, former Olympian, Iraqi War veteran, widower raising three kids who were mistreated by a dentist while their dog was mistakenly euthanized by a former priest defrocked for spreading genital herpes to a Macaw named Timbo who was rescued from a Brazilian rain forest before evil Mogadishuian warlords slashed and burned it to make way for Brangelina's new home. Now, that's a special feature, baby!