Well, watch out for the mattresses, two dozen cardboard boxes and that exercise machine you never used anyway.
That’s right, using garages for cars is so 1989.
Two things amaze me as I drive through my neighborhood. One is everybody’s lingering commitment to garden gnomes despite their ill tempers and propensity for heavy drinking and two is that nobody uses their garages anymore.
I see garage after garage filled to the brim with junk – beds, boxes, orphaned children – you name it and it’s in the garage.
Call me a traditionalist. Maybe I’m just an old-timer who likes his wife in the kitchen with a blender and the toilet bowl filled with water. But when did our garages become our basement annexes?
It had to be sometime after we all sealed our basement doors shut as the useless crap we possess slowly crept its way up the stairs. And we’re all pretty lazy anyway so not having to go downstairs eliminates some pointless exercise.
Left with no other option, we looked for the only remaining open spot – the garage.
This was done, albeit, after heavy consideration for the backyard. But, because we already have the camper and several junk cars parked back there (take that HOA), the garage was the only reasonable choice left.
The problem is we have too much stuff. And no matter how much a local flea market tries to fleece you to get “under-stuffed,” we will still have too many things.
It’s pretty amazing that for constantly being labeled a wasteful society that likes our landfills tall and chubby, we can’t throw anything away.
People would rather not throw anything way and hang on to that mid-1970s orange loveseat than use their garage for its original purpose. I went to school in a frozen tundra where you could spend hours chipping ice from your windshield. Given that experience, there’s really only one place for my car.
It could be time for our government to step in. I know nobody likes “big brother.” But maybe each citizen needs to be assigned a junk quota. Go over that quota and it’s off with your hand or off with the collection of road cones you stole from construction sites.
The logical next step with all of these items in your garage would be to have a garage sale. The problem is you can’t really have a garage sale because no can really get to your garage over the piles of baby toys and Godfather’s Pizza mugs.
So then it becomes a yard sale.
But good luck getting rid of anything with those nasty gnomes drinking and cursing in the flower bed.
