Maybe if Congress wouldn’t have haggled so long on my economic surplus check, I wouldn’t have seen this disturbing headline splashed across business journals last week, “Sharper Image files for bankruptcy.”
This means I have between now and when the novelty gadget retailer shutters more than half of its stores, to load up on all the unnecessary stuff they sell that I never needed and my wife contends I still don’t.
For those ready to begin some early Christmas shopping, let’s begin.
How many times have you found yourself in the bathtub and thought wouldn’t it be nice to have a hands-free camera that I could easily attach to the top of my helmet? No longer wonder with the Oregon Scientific ATC-2K waterproof action camera.
Why are you wearing a helmet in the bathtub, you may ask? If you’re like it me, it’s for your own protection so you don’t slip and hit your head. This gem, which retails at $129.95, is also useful if you want to shoot video of your newborn son while changing his diaper.
Maybe you really want to impress me and pick up a Pleo dinosaur? This cuddly creature, which does everything but poop on your carpet, interacts with you, expresses emotion, moves, expresses emotion, responds to the world around it and even develops a personality. I already have one of these – it’s called a kid but, hey, for $350, pick up one for yourself. Get the lifetime warranty, an easy safeguard against extinction.
Maybe we should just go with my official Star Wars Luke Skywalker Lightsaber for a minuscule $120. Imagine my neighbor’s surprise when I showed up at his door with the full weight of the Force to retrieve my reciprocating saw or if I showcased the motion-activated sound effects to an unsuspecting door-to-door solicitor.
I know what you’re thinking, I want to buy him something he doesn’t need but he’s way out of my price range. Well, it sure would make guy’s nights more fun if I had my Stars Wars Poker Chip Set with a chrome Death Star® dealer button and colorful chips that are translucent and glow brightly. All at a now discounted price of $90. I could just hear an excited Yoda showing up at my house for poker night, “Ummm, ripped off someone got.”
What says friendship better than an AlcoHAWK PRO Digital Breath Alcohol Detector? Get an accurate measure of your blood-alcohol content in three seconds for $140. Can’t stand the wait for the cops to tell you? Find out for yourself. Would also be helpful to know where my dog was after another all-night bender.
If you really know me, then you’ll know I’ve picked up a penchant for barbecue grilling. After all, why else would I need an LED Grill light? Perfect for grilling at 3 in the morning or even stepping out in the dark of night to finish that page-turner of a novel. All the convienience of electricity for a reasonable 50 bucks!
But, my favorite?
That would be a 7-inch, deluxe 3x, fog free, shower mirror for $100. Because it just gets pesky hanging your half-naked body out the shower door to get a good shave – especially when the in-laws are visiting.
It even comes with a clip-on light.
Thank goodness, because dragging that barbecue grill into the shower would get old.
Kevin Denke’s column Spare Change also appears weekly in the Brighton Blade.
